The Problem with Us and Dating
Dating is frustrating. It’s probably the most frustrating thing that we humans voluntarily enter into. But the reason it’s frustrating is not caused by things outside our control, in fact, it’s caused by us. And here’s a few reasons why...
We’ve stopped being vulnerable
For some reason, our generation has deemed having feelings and acknowledging those feelings “uncool”. We prefer being cold and distant to the person that we’re interested in rather than being vulnerable and telling them how we feel. Seems a little counter intuitive don’t you think?
We play games
If he/she took half an hour to text us, we’ll wait an hour to text back. If we were the ones to ask him/her out the last time, he/she has to do it next time. If he/she asks us out, we have to “check our schedule” first. Isn’t it exhausting to keep up with all these rules and games?
We care too much
...but not about the right things. We care more about how we look to others rather than our own feelings or the feelings of the person we’re dating. We would rather leave someone we really care about hanging than admitting to our friends that, “yes, I am whipped”.
We live in an incredibly fast paced era where information comes to us in minutes and pizza comes to us in half an hour max. It is because of this, that we’ve lost our ability to be patient. We prefer instant, fleeting gratification over putting in work for something we really want, and this includes the people we date.
We care about finding the one
...but not about being the one. We want the person we date to fill out a set list of criteria but pay no mind in making ourselves a person worth dating.
We don’t like to compromise
We’re all for the people we date changing their plans, interests and even their lives for us, but when asked to do the same, we’re reluctant at best.
We don’t know what we want
We want constant companionship but without the commitment. We want relationships but only on our terms. We forget to factor in what the other party wants and only care about what we want out of them, which leads on to the next point…
We all don’t like to admit it but the most important person in our universe is ourselves. When we’ve lived our whole lives with this mentality, it’s hard to factor someone else into that equation.
But all hope is not lost
We can still find the love of our lives but, I’m not going to lie, it’s going to take some work. First we need to admit to ourselves that we are not the perfect beings we think we are, and that expecting that of someone else is just unfair. We need to trust the process and be patient because after all, good things come to those who wait. And to add to the cliches, we need to find ourselves first before finding someone to love us. We need to be clear about what we want, and we need to be vulnerable to get it. We’ve got to tear down the walls that we’ve spent years and years building, then maybe, just maybe that special someone will walk into our lives and change us for the better.