Let's Talk About Ex, Baby
Ah the Ex talk; a very loaded and divisive topic. While quite a few people choose to err on the side of caution and not mention their exes to their current flames, I firmly believe in 100% disclosure. While bringing up the ex on a daily basis (or on the first date) is definitely something you don’t want to do, I think it is healthy and actually beneficial for long term partners to have at least one deep conversation on the topic. If you think about it, your exes are basically a road map to who you are now, and why you are the way you are. So, shying away from this conversation is just closing off a part of yourself to your partner. If you need a little more convincing, here are a few more benefits of having the Ex Talk…
Full disclosure will lead to better intimacy
I’m not saying that speaking about your exes is going to make your partner’s panties drop, but what I am saying is that having the ability to speak about your past openly and honestly without fear of judgement will lead to a closer and more honest relationship. That being said, you have to take steps to ensure that your partner is mature enough and ready to hear about (and accept) your past.
How your partner reacts will tell you a lot about them
No, you shouldn’t be carelessly telling your partner super intimate details about your ex just to see if they’ll flinch. What you should be doing, is noticing how your partner reacts when you’re having a candid and purposeful conversation about your past. How they react can teach you all about their maturity and what kind of person they are.
It can bring ease of mind
Sometimes exes are brought up even without us meaning to. When this happens, I can guarantee you that your partner has already painted a picture of your ex in their minds and to them, they will look and be flawless, and you’ll still be in love with them. When you have the ex talk you can reassure your partner that there is a reason you’re not with that person anymore and that they have absolutely nothing to worry about.
It will help you move forward in your relationship and in your life
Part of becoming a better person is learning from your mistakes and growing from them, and doing this with a partner means that you get to share your lessons and grow together; creating new bonds and new memories. Remember, taking stock of your individual pasts will only bring clarity into your future together.
While I believe the ex talk is crucial to a healthy and honest relationship, I do think that there is a time and a place for it. Remember, you and your partner need to be on the same page before proceeding with the talk. Make sure to keep your partner’s comfort and ease in mind and don’t push them to talk about things they’re not ready to. With that in mind, go ahead and have this conversation with an open mind and an open heart, and you will be well rewarded with a wonderful relationship.