Passion is Killing Our Relationships

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Before everyone gets up in arms, let me explain. When I say that passion is killing relationships, what I mean is that our current interpretation of passion is what’s doing the killing. If you were to turn on the radio for a mere half an hour you’ll hear songs spouting out lyrics like, “You don't know love 'til it tears up your heart. And cuts and it leaves you with scars”, or “Love hurts, love scars, love wounds. And marks, any heart”. For generations now we’ve been told again and again, through love songs, rom coms, and basically any mainstream medium that passionate love is meant to be painful; it is meant to hurt and that’s how you know you’re in love. Well, I’m here to tell you all the reasons why that logic is fatally flawed. So, let’s dive in...

 

Toxicity is not passion

When you’re constantly fighting for no reason, that’s not passion. If your relationship functions on passive aggression, that’s not passion. When one or both parties are obsessive and controlling of the other, that’s not passion. When you hold your relationship hostage and threaten to leave just to get a reaction from your partner, that’s not pass-… yea… you get it. All of the scenarios above and so many more that cause so much pain within relationships can be explained in one umbrella term, and that term is toxic. The problem with our current interpretation is that all these toxic behaviours slip in and are excused under the guise of passion, and because of this, people stay in these toxic relationships way longer than they should.

 

Pain is not indicative of love

I will be the first to admit that love does involve some hardship. But it is not the pain of this that suggests love, but rather how we choose to overcome that hardship. When we subscribe to the logic that pain equals passion and passion equals love and therefore pain equals love, we tend to let the pain be the end of the conversation. What we should be doing is actually communicating our feelings to our partner and in turn, trying to understand their point of view. If you’re feeling pain within your relationship, you need to talk it out with your partner. Only when you do this can you build a loving and trusting foundation for a relationship to thrive on.

 

It legitimises unrequited “love”

Nothing hurts more than having feelings for someone who doesn’t have feelings for you. Notice how I didn’t use the word love? That’s because I am a firm believer in the notion that love is a two-way emotion and therefore, it is impossible to love someone who doesn’t love you back. Our current interpretation of passion, however, doesn’t see things this way. Because of this a vast majority of us see unhealthy, obsessive infatuation as, you guessed it...love.

 

Knowing what we know now, let’s all band together to change the definition of passionate love. Let’s start by dissociating it from negative (and dangerous) behaviours, and realigning it with positive and healthy habits that make a relationship secure and amazing. And if you’re looking to ignite that fire with someone new, register for Jodi!