Signs your relationship is healthy (and signs it's not)

Being constantly surrounded by friends in toxic relationships, I feel that my generation needs some direction when it comes to what constitutes a healthy relationship. While some may mistake WWIII-style fights as pure passion, I see it as dysfunctional and toxic. So in the name of wanting to see more healthy relationships in my life, I have curated this list of signs you’re in a healthy relationship and signs you’re not…


Your relationship is healthy if…


1. You feel safe and free.

You and your partner allow each other to live your own individual lives but you still feel secure knowing you can always trust each other. A healthy relationship is one where you can thrive individually but still grow together.


2. You’re happy

While relationships won’t always be easy, the good should always outweigh the bad. Healthy relationships are ones where you sometimes fight but it always ends with mutual apologies and forgiveness. You should be feeling happy for the majority of your time with your partner.


3. You trust your partner

By this, I don’t just mean you trust them not to cheat. I mean you trust your partner with your deepest, darkest secrets and you’re comfortable with revealing your past to them knowing they would not react negatively.


4. You feel supported

You and your partner make big life decisions together. You know that if you had to make a big life-altering decision, your partner would only have your best interest at heart and only want what’s best for you. You should feel supported no matter what.


5. You forgive your partner and vice versa

You and your partner annoy each other from time to time and you both have your fair share of being unreasonable. But the thing that defines a great relationship is how you both deal with these disagreements. You both know that letting it go and forgiving each other is always the better way to go.


Your relationship is toxic if...


1. You feel trapped

You feel like you can’t do anything or go anywhere without letting your partner know. They constantly want you by their side and when you’re not there, they will make you feel bad about it. Because of this, you’ll feel stuck.


2. You’re always upset

The problem with humans is that we somehow mistake jealousy and full-blown fights as passion. This is incredibly wrong. If you and your partner are fighting more than you’re laughing, you’re most likely in a toxic relationship.


3. You keep secrets

You don’t tell your partner things about your past for fear of how they’d react. You keep things secret because you don’t trust them enough to tell them of your fears and insecurities, or even your hopes and dreams.


4. You feel second best

Your partner never wants you to make decisions that would benefit your life for fear that it would disadvantage theirs. They prefer you stay where you are even if that means hindering your life’s growth.


5. You and your partner hold grudges

You have your fights and you seethe over them for weeks, months even. You will never be the one to apologise and neither will they. You hold grudges and keep your feelings bottled up till you end up fighting again and seething over that too. It’s a vicious cycle.  

On a final note, the best way to avoid a toxic relationship is to only go into a relationship for the right reasons. Don’t settle for someone just because you’re lonely, look for someone who you really care about only when you’re ready. And when you’re ready, find Mr/Ms Right with Jodi!