The Modern Daters Guide to Benching

With the evolution of dating into the 21st century and onto online/in-app platforms, the rules and etiquette of the game have been completely turned on their heads. Because of the fact that we now date and interact with people that don’t necessarily have any real-life connection to us, we feel at liberty to treat them with a lot less dignity than they truly deserve. One of the habits that has reared its ugly head in this new era of dating is benching. So without further ado, let’s get into it...

What is it?

Benching happens when one or both parties keep someone “on the bench” of their romantic ball game. It is when they feel like they have other (better) candidates but keep their “benchee” around just to keep the option open.

Unlike ghosting, benching is harder to spot when you are the one being benched. This is because the symptoms of benching are very similar to the start of a relationship when someone is “taking it slow”.

Why it happens

This is going to be hard to hear, but the reason you may be on the bench is because the person doing the benching is just not that into you. The reason they’re keeping you around is probably because your attention (be that physical or emotional) and adoration gives their ego a good boosting.

What to do about it

The answer to this question honestly depends on how you feel and what you want out of this almost-relationship. If you are cool with a casual, no strings attached relationship or you’re part of a mutual benching, then maybe this situation will suit you.

But, unfortunately, if you’re the only “benchee” on this team and you’re just waiting around for your chance to get that home run, it may be time to give up the game.

So there you have it folks, benching is yet another dating phenomena exaggerated and exacerbated by the new era of dating. The one thing we can learn, however, is that if we’re just honest and vulnerable with each other maybe, just maybe, we might find that genuine connection that we crave. PS: you can look for said connection on Jodi!