When and How You Should Define the Relationship

You’ve been floating around in relationship purgatory for awhile now with no end in sight, but fear not, this is a very common occurrence amongst humans who choose to expose themselves to the dating scene. The reason behind it is mainly because we humans don’t like to be vulnerable; we don’t want to be the ones to bring up “the talk” for fear that our main squeeze would not reciprocate those feelings and that we’d lose an otherwise awesome thing.

 

And while it’s healthy to take your time deciding what you want out of dating someone, be it just a casual fling or a long term commitment, there comes a time when you have no choice but to face the music. I say this because not defining the relationship for a prolonged period of time can lead to unnecessary anxiety and insecurity. On top of that, how would you really know how someone feels about you if you don’t just straight up ask them? Exactly.

 

So when should you breach the topic? Well, with everything in life, the answer to this question is very much subjective. It honestly depends on a lot of major factors. That being said, here are a two general scenarios that may help you decide when it’s the right time to define the relationship;

 

1. You’ve dated for awhile, see each other A LOT, and you’re starting to develop deep feelings for him/her

In this scenario, bringing up the talk would be more for your benefit than anything else. Although incredibly uncomfortable, having the talk would save you from investing too much of yourself into someone who doesn’t want to do the same.

 

2. You don’t really want a long-term commitment but you have a feeling that they do

Bringing up the talk in this case is just to ensure that you and the person you’re dating are on the same page. You want to make sure that hurt feelings can be kept at the bare minimum and that both parties are getting what they want out of this courtship.

 

OK, so now we have the “when” (sort of) out of the way, let’s talk about the “how”. I know, the idea of bearing your soul to someone when there’s a chance they’ll just run away is incredibly daunting, crippling even. But for the sake of your love life and future happiness, this is something you have to do. So, let’s get to the nitty gritty of HOW to define the relationship;

 

1. Don’t let people outside of the relationship dictate when you’ll have the talk

This is the number one way to get inside your own head about it. Have the talk when you feel it’s the right time (or when the other party brings it up). Don’t do it just because your friends, family or anybody else is pressuring you to do so.

 

2. Try and schedule the talk

I know having the talk is altogether an awkward thing and scheduling it may even make it feel worse, but trust me, it’s better than just drunkenly blurting (or yelling) out “please be my one and only” after a boozy night out.

 

3. Be clear about what you want

Whether you want them to be your full-fledged lover or just another warm body, you have to be clear about it. No beating around the bush. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT leave room for misinterpretation.


I will admit this, this article will not help take away the awkwardness of having the talk. That unfortunately is a rite of passage you have to go through. Just keep in mind, this temporary discomfort is worth it because it can and will lead you to so many beautiful things in the future. And even if it doesn’t, you can always try again with someone new thanks to Jodi.